PLEASE NOTE: Craving Control has been unpublished. It will be extended and republished under Kylie Hillman's thriller pen name, K. Hillman as a psychological thriller in 2020.
While this story is part of the Black Shamrocks MC series, it is not a romance. This is a brutal, violent, painful, heartbreaking, one-sided "love" story. It is the tale of one man’s battle against his demons and one woman’s fight to survive him.
He wants revenge. He wants her. And nothing is going to stand in his way.
As a politician's son, Brendan Taylor is used to a life of power. So when he's powerless to stop a scandal from ending his football career, he vows to hurt the one responsible by seducing the culprit's sister. After a violent act lands Brendan in jail, he bides his time for a second chance at both payback and Lainey O'Brien…
With Brendan's father secretly aligned with the leader of the Black Shamrocks MC, the criminal's path back to the girl of his dreams is far too easy. But when Lainey resists his advances yet again, his need for vengeance grows with every passing second.
Will Brendan's insatiable desire for love and retribution turn deadly?
Craving Control is a companion book to the Black Shamrocks Motorcycle Club series (can be read as a standalone), which contains graphic adult scenes for ages 18+. If you like gritty suspense, brutal violence, and dark villains, then you’ll love Kylie Hillman’s shocking novel.
Buy Craving Control to unravel a twisted mind today!
READ AN EXCERPT
“The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls.” ~Edgar Allen Poe~
It all started innocently enough.
One cool December day, I spotted her crossing the street in our small town, and that was it, I was irrevocably intrigued. I asked my dad who she was; my mind moving at a million miles an hour when he told me she was Benjamin O’Brien’s twin sister. The changes in her body since the last time I’d laid eyes on her led me straight down a carnal path and I was done for. Devious delight infiltrated my veins, a potently powerful plan for payback against my greatest enemy forming within seconds.
One. Because I hated Benji with a white-hot rage that would scorch the earth around me if I ever set it free. He had everything I pretended to possess—and he didn’t deserve it.
Two. Because she was the purest looking angel I’d ever had the privilege to lay eyes on. It was apparent with barely a glance that she was untouched—completely unsullied by the hands of any man. My palms itched with the need to be the first to mark her.
And, three. Because in his next breath, my asshole father demanded that I stay away from her. That on its own was the equivalent of a red rag to a bull. My sole reason for living was to openly flout his steely determination to turn me into everything he’d been denied the opportunity to become.
Little did I know that it would all backfire in epic proportions. For the first time, my heart would beat in my chest for someone other than myself. I would discover how it felt to live with the constant fear of losing that one person who means more to you than anything. The feelings she created would cause the urges I’d buried for most of my adult life to come racing to the fore, leaving me helpless to fight them.
Each carefully orchestrated moment I spent with her would strip my defences bare—not hers, as I’d planned. Her sincere smile. Her blue eyes filled with kindness. Her love for her family and friends. I wanted all of that for myself, so I decided that I’d stop at nothing to own her.
It turned out that while she was pure, she was also a wild woman. A strong woman. Bending her will until she yielded to me. Stealing her heart from out of his cancerous hold. She was a challenge I was more than happy to accept. Taming her would be my greatest obstacle—and my most precious reward.
Until she denied me, and it became a fight to the death.
Then, it quickly became apparent that only one of us was going to escape with their life.
As a betting man, I would have laid every dollar of my multi-million-dollar inheritance on the fact that I would be the victor.
Except, I’d underestimated her.
So, now, as my life comes to an end, I embrace the memories of the short time that she was mine. It keeps me warm as the blood drains from my cooling body—while it taunts me with the reminder that we could’ve ended differently if I’d been able to keep my craving for control on a tighter leash.
“Do you see that girl with Benji?” I ask my childhood best friend, Sebastian. He follows my head tilt, his eyes lighting up a second later.
“The blonde?” His interest is piqued, exactly as I wanted. The blonde I’ve pointed out is a fine piece of ass. The first piece we’ve seen with the ability to make it worth our while to drag our asses down to this godforsaken New Year’s party at our local town hall.
Smile and wave, impress the people. My dad’s directions run through my head.
“Yeah, her.” I smirk at him, shaking my head to rid it of thoughts of my perpetually disapproving father, and dragging my attention back to the entertainment at hand. “I’m calling dibs.”
Seb punches me in the arm. “Bullshit, BT. You can’t call dibs on a chick that fine. A piece like her would make the perfect prize for a bet.”
From my superior height, I sneer down at my only true friend. He’s as empty on the inside as I am, so he’s always keen to follow me headfirst into my latest morally-corrupt plan. “She’s special. I have plans for her that don’t involve talking her into a quick fuck in the back of my truck before you can.”
Crossing his arms over his chest, he regards me for a moment. “What’s her connection to Benji O’Brien?”
“She’s his twin, Madelaine.”
He uncrosses his arms and traces the shape of a curvy woman in the air. “Well, Miss Madelaine has certainly filled out since we left High School.”
The mention of school reminds me that there is a significant age gap between my newest prey and myself. Wracking my brains for Benji’s age, I put it at five years—remembering that I’d recently attended the “after-party” he’d held once the official celebration for his seventeenth birthday had finished.
“That she has,” I muse as I run my eyes over her long, lush figure. From the top of her naturally blonde hair to her ample tits and further down to the hips that curve in perfect harmony with her chest, there isn’t a thing about Madelaine O’Brien that doesn’t scream “fuck me now”.
I sink my teeth with vicious intent into my bottom lip. The pain is my cue to stop thinking with my dick and engage my brain. To pull this off, I need the blood in my big head, not the little one.
“Watch this.” I raise my eyebrows at Seb, a smile gracing my face as I see Benji walking away from his sister. Her scowl and the defiance in her stride alerts me that this is my opening.
My approach is stealthy. I walk in measured steps that put us on collision course. Madelaine’s studious examination of the ground beneath her feet, a thoughtful expression creasing the smooth, tanned skin of her forehead, works in my favour. She doesn’t notice me until it’s too late.
Just like I planned.
When we hit, I ensure that I take the brunt of the impact. I wrap my arms around her and yank her to the ground. With graceful intent, I land on my back, and pull her tight against me. Her warm breath rushes over my face. Minty air surrounds me, mixed with her unique smell. Rose and vanilla, I’d guess from the delicate scent that I hold in my lungs.
Madelaine’s cheek rests on my chest, directly over my heart. I relish her touch for a second before I speak. “Please excuse me, I am so sorry. I didn’t see you coming.”
My voice is smooth. My manner that of a country gentleman. When startled, bright blue eyes look up at me, I have to stop myself from picking her up and running away with her. The woman lying on me is a contradiction—body of a whore, face of a Madonna. She’s made for sin; yet, awakens a never-before-felt protective instinct in me.
Innocence and iniquity in one delectable package. Her bewitching gaze makes me want to kick my own ass for even thinking of using her as a pawn in my payback against her twin.
I’m lost in my surprising reaction to touching her which gives Madelaine the chance to escape me. She puts her hands on the ground on either side of my chest and tries to push back to her feet. My hands have a mind of their own, they take hold of her waist and pull her back against me.
The feel of her breasts pressing against me steals my breath. My fingertips are electrified where they make contact with the smooth skin above the waistband of her jeans, sending lightning bolts of arousal down my spine.
As I indulge in her closeness, I try to prolong our connection.
“Are you okay?” I inquire, widening my eyes. “We hit pretty hard.”
Anxiety thumps in my chest when she wriggles in my grasp until I let go of her. She rolls off me with an elegant, economy of movement that has my cock grazing his head against my zipper. Her big tits heave when she takes a minute to catch her breath. My gaze refuses to leave them and I’m thankful that she doesn’t catch my blatant ogling.
When she stands, Madelaine holds a hand out to me, and answers my earlier question. “I’m fine, are you all right?”
I take her smaller hand in mine, suppressing a shudder when the electricity shoots through me again. As I stand, I crowd her space to see how she’ll react. Madelaine’s reaction proves that she’s exactly what I thought—a pure, untouched angel. She takes a step back from me, putting a socially-acceptable amount of space between us. My ego dances when I see her dilated pupils.
Madelaine O’Brien is affected by me.
“I’m fine as well.” The laugh that I end my statement with is calculated. It’s the sexy chuckle that has every girl I meet discarding her panties without another word required. Madelaine has the opposite reaction. She tries to tug her hand out of mine. I hold tight, running my thumb over her knuckles instead. Pausing, I wait for her response. Disappointment overcomes me when she pulls her hand away again.
Time for the big guns. She’s not going to be as easy as first thought.
Leaves and small sticks are stuck to the back of my shirt so I turn to show her. “Or I will be, if you’d be kind enough to get this crap off my back for me.”
I recover from my earlier disenchantment when I feel Madelaine’s hand trembling as she runs it over my back from my shoulders down to my hips. Her angel status is driven home by her prudish avoidance of my lower back.
Damned if I’m not going to enjoy ruining her innocence.
“All done.” Two simple words are all I get out of her when she’s finished. I’d be searching for another tactic if I hadn’t caught the breathless catch in her voice at the end.
When I turn to face her again, I make sure my lady-killer smile is safely tucked away. Madelaine needs a dose of my boyish charm to settle her skittishness. A disarming grin is all that covers my face. It’s all fake; completely for show. I’m the most dangerous person this girl is going to encounter in her life. She just doesn’t need to know that yet.
Madelaine’s answering smile is forced. Her face blazes red after her embarrassment makes it way up her slender neck—and I promise myself that one day very soon, I’m going to be tracing that path with my tongue … and then my teeth.
She gives me a jerky nod goodbye before turning to leave.
Not so fast, little girl. I’m not finished with you yet.
I seize hold of her upper arm and pull her back to me. A puzzled gaze meets mine, her plump lips pressing together in a tight line that telegraphs her discomfort at my action.
“You’re Madelaine O’Brien, aren’t you?”
My dark brown eyes drill into her blue orbs with an intensity that takes her past discomfort and right into agitation. I’d expected Madelaine to wilt under my probing, but she didn’t. Instead, her shoulders straighten with defiance. Apparently, Madelaine has more spine than it appears at first glance. I file that knowledge away for future reference.
With a curt shrug, she yanks her arm out of my grip. I feign hurt at her reaction, then watch her face. Nothing changes. Madelaine simply nods her head that I have her name correct.
Again, I try to break down her defences. “You’re Benji’s sister?”
“That's me. I prefer to be called Maddi, though.” Her answer is curt; however, her expression softens at my mention of her brother. And, there we have it—Maddi’s first soft spot has been identified. “I’m actually his twin, even though no one can tell.”
She laughs as she plays with her hair. Her twin is as dark as she is fair; but, they’re not as unalike as she pretends. Their bone structure is identical, as is their above-average height, and exceptional good looks. The main difference is that Benji is very aware of his blessings while Maddi appears to be oblivious.
“I’m Brendan Taylor. I’ve seen you around, but you don’t come to parties like Benji does, so I’ve never officially met you. Even though I've been dying to.” I lay it on thick, holding my hand out to her and unleashing my panty-melting smile and flirtatious charm.
My reward is the confusion that clouds her eyes. Maddi takes hold of my hand and shakes it. My teeth grind as I fight to hide my reaction to the charge that her touch sends through me. A sense of victory courses the same path as the electricity when I spy her eyes widening and I realise that she feels it as much as I do.
The knowledge is compounded when Maddi tries to drop my hand like it’s on fire. With a perverse humour, I smile as I hold tight and prolong the handshake. Maddi stops trying to remove her hand from my grip which leaves us holding hands.
Her awkward attempt to break the tension that I’m deliberately creating is adorable.
“Nice to officially meet you. I don’t really party that often. I’m surprised you’re at the same parties as Benji. Aren’t you a little old for that scene—” Maddi trails off at the end.
Heat travels from her neck to her cheeks again. My angelic little victim is proving to be judgmental and prudish—and it’s my new mission to fuck it right out of her. By the time I’m finished with her, she won’t have a critical bone in her bountiful body because she’ll have had my cock jammed in every hole she possesses. Breaking Maddi will be an added bonus to the humiliation heaped on Benji’s head when I make it known that his precious sister is the latest indentation in my overburdened bedhead.
My depraved musings are camouflaged by my laughter. I make it clear that I’m laughing at her, and not with her, which turns her beautiful face a darker shade of red.
“Yes, I suppose I am. I’m twenty-two. There’s not much for me to do around here since I’ve finished university. I actually organise most of the parties now that I’m living back here full time. You should come to the next one. I'll look after you any time you want. Give you anything you want.” I wink at her, fighting the urge to take her somewhere and screw her senseless when her cheeks turn an impossible shade of scarlet once again.
“I'll keep that in mind.” Maddi shuffles her feet, then meets my eyes with a steely resolve that won’t be there by the time I’m finished with her. “Anyhow, it was nice to meet you, but I need to get going. It’s nearly midnight and I want to catch up with my friends before the fireworks.”
When I’m ready, I let her take her hand out of mine—which is after I’ve affected a bow and planted a kiss on the back of her hand. “It was a pleasure having you run into me. I really hope you take me up on my offer. I think we could have a lot of fun together.”
The fake smile she plasters on her face tells me that she’s close to giving into the urge to ask me if I’m serious. In the spirit of fair play—or unfair, as this case may be—I leave her hanging.
“Have a good night, Brendan.” The breathless way she says my name has it ringing in my ears as she spins on her heel and walks faster than necessary toward the restrooms.
Seb shakes his head as he approaches. “Bad luck, BT. Looks like she’s not interested.”
“You need to leave.” My voice is harsh when I speak. My friend takes a step away from me, shock in his expression. “I’m about to put phase two into action.”
I point at the front of the town hall where everyone is gathering for the fireworks that Maddi mentioned. “Why don’t you wait out there and watch the master at work?”
“Dude, she looks like a nice girl.” Seb raises an uncustomary objection. “And, you know that Benji’ll kill you if you mess with his sister. He’s already after you for spiking his drink the other night.”
Snorting as I bellow with laughter, I bend in half when it keeps coming. Seriously? He chooses now to grow a conscience? Once I have control of my reaction to his sensible reasoning, I answer him. “Do you think I care if Benji comes after me? Let him explain his positive methamphetamines test and his violent tendencies to any of the footy clubs that come to scout him during the upcoming season.”
With one eye on the restrooms for Maddi, I usher Seb toward the front of the hall. If I had enough time, I’d set him straight on his ridiculous worries about Benji. I’m not scared of Benji’s reaction, I welcome it. Whatever it takes, I’m ruining his chance at a professional football career. If I can’t have my dream, why the hell should he?
The lights that illuminate the town hall are switched off in preparation of the fireworks. Darkness descends, plunging the deserted area where I wait into pitch-black. My position is hidden. A dangerous lick of anticipation runs the length of my body when I see Maddi emerge from the restrooms. She’s redone her hair, the golden locks that had fallen free during our collision have been smoothed back into the bun that she wears on top of her head. I wonder what she’d look like with it down, waves of burnished silk flowing around her shoulders and down her back. Those thoughts take me down a more sexual path and I try to imagine how her hair would feel wrapped around my wrist while I pumped myself inside her flawless body.
A tiny sigh interrupts my lust, and I become aware that Maddi hasn’t left the yard. She’s two metres away from me, leaning against the cinder block wall with her face titled toward the sky. My expectation was for Maddi to make her way through the dark night to her family. I was planning on intercepting her before she could get to them—which was prudent considering that her father’s a goddamn psycho and the President of an outlaw biker club.
I mimic the angle of Maddi’s head, only I’m not waiting for bursts of colour to fill the sky. I’m thanking whichever dark Lord has my contemptible interests on their agenda. Because having this gorgeous girl choose to willingly separate herself from the crazy males in her family is a definite sign that someone up there is looking out for me.
“Three, two, one. Happy New Year!” The countdown to the dawning of the brand-new year is shouted through a megaphone. The night sky fills with a kaleidoscope of colour; the loud bangs and whistling of the fireworks disguising my approach from my unsuspecting victim.
With unyielding hands, I trap her between the wall and my body. Pausing for two seconds, I let myself luxuriate in her scent—roses, vanilla, and enticing innocence—and then I kiss her.
My movements are sure, unheeding of her stiffening frame. I push my tongue between her lips when she gasps and plunder the inner recesses of her mouth, smiling when Maddi’s knee lifts ready to take out my family jewels. She doesn’t know who I am, exactly how big I am, what I’m capable of doing to her; yet, she’s ready to take defending herself into her own hands.
Did I call her untouched perfection? I miscalculated. She may be untouched by the hands of man, but she’s not a pushover. I sense a wildness that’s going to be too much fun to break. Each time I peel back another layer of her personality, she proves to be more challenging than initially predicted.
This girl is going to become addictive if I’m not careful.
My muscles tense, ready to keep Maddi under control if she decides to use that knee on me. I’m not certain what makes her lower it, but I can’t say I’m not surprised when her body loosens, and she leans back against the building.
I pull my lips from her’s and whisper, “Happy New Year, Maddi.”
A sigh is the only response I receive for a long, drawn-out moment; until—with a murmur that has my cock trying to escape my pants—Maddi returns my sentiments.
“Happy New Year, Brendan.”
That sentence is all I need. It’s confirmation that I have her where I want her.
Maddi O’Brien has just conceded defeat in a war she didn’t know she was fighting.
My movements appear coaxing, suggesting that she has a say in how this is going to play out. They aren’t. It’s simply the start of my new game. Now that I’ve made Maddi accept my proximity, it’s time to make her believe that what happens next is her idea. I use my strength to move her unwilling arms around my neck, then I pull her soft curves against me. All stiffness has left her. She is pliable, both in body and emotions.
I feel a shudder run the length of her body when I kiss her again. This time, she is a willing participant. Her tongue touches mine. Tentatively. Inexperience is evident in every move she makes.
The lights in the yard are switched back on, the light directly above us illuminating her blonde hair until it resembles a halo. Maddi pauses, but I don’t let her stop. I distract her with my touch, making sure that she’s paying little mind to who can see us. Once I’m certain that everyone who counts—Seb and my father—have seen us, I let her go.
An emptiness invades my veins. I push the feeling away and smile at the beautiful woman I now own. The flush on her cheeks, the redness around her lips from my kiss, awakens a ferocity in me that is foreign.
I don’t want to let her go.
If I had my way, she’d be thrown over my shoulder and whisked away from every other person who inhabits this earth. Strategically, what I do next is completely wrong.
Yet, it’s the only thing that tames the monster in my gut who’s trying to rear his head.
I bite Maddi’s shoulder. It takes every ounce of the control that I pride myself on possessing to stop myself from sinking my teeth through the cotton of her thin shirt and into her skin until it breaks. The urge to taste her blood until she accepts that she belongs to me is overwhelming.
I swallow it down and stake my claim verbally instead. “You're so beautiful, and you're going to be all mine. I’m going to make sure of it.”
That is the last thing I say to her tonight because I walk away before she can answer. My brain screams at me, yelling that I’m made a fatal error and scared her away. As I watch my unsuspecting victim throughout the rest of the evening, I’m able to push that worry aside. Even though she doesn’t have an idea that I can see what she’s doing, the sight of Maddi regularly pressing her fingers against her lips calms the shouting in my head.
It’s evident that she’s feeling as branded by my touch as I intended...